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    • Help Charities Without Leaving Home

    Winchester Mystery House San Jose

    I've done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? Homer no function beer well without.

    • Lights of Love: Holiday Donation Campaign

    Krispy Kreme St. Louis

    Why do you think that she is a witch? He hasn't got stuff all over him. Well, I didn't vote for you. A newt? Look, my liege! I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!

    • Use Hashtags To Support Online

    Party Haus Los Angelos

    Well, I got better. Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! The swallow may fly south with the sun, and the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. It's only a model. It's only a model.

    $5

    • Hearts United: Global Donation Drive

    Bamboo Fresh Lahaina

    Who's that then? Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot! Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Camelot!

    • Backpacks of Hope: School Supply Drive

    San Diego Zoo San Diego

    Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. You don't win friends with salad. I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. D'oh. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

    • Excitement From A Quote About Charity

    Winchester Mystery House San Jose

    What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I work, I work.

    $20